jedibuttercup

... that when I'm surfing AO3 and see something like "(Y/N) Stark is the youngest daughter of Eddard and Catelyn Stark" in a fic summary, I immediately think "Yes/No" instead of "Your Name". It trips me up every time, and even after I remember, I have a hard time seeing the appeal. I did read some of those Choose Your Own Adventure books that were popular when I was a kid in the 80s; but even then, I had to sit down with a notebook and plot out which pages jumped where so I could figure out which was the most satisfying ending -- and most of them actually weren't. I read -- and write-- fic to explore the characters and/or world(s) I loved in canon, not to insert myself into it, especially not a reader-fic version of my self that will (because genericized) be by default OOC.

I know, I know. Different people want different things out of fic; a lot of people do prefer it as escapist wish-fulfillment. Or ... maybe it's just that online fandom wasn't a thing until after I was through my own Mary Sue phase, and the shape of that trope's changed a lot in the years since? For me, it was a bunch of short stories scribbled in erasable ballpoint pen in a spiral-bound notebook, telling stories about how I and my BFFs and my defected-from-the-enemy made-up boyfriend survived an apocalypse in my hometown, or got caught in a time-loop and had to save the world, or became sexy spies, or were born into a fantasy universe where different bloodlines had special magic powers, etc. I'm pretty sure those stories still exist, somewhere in a dusty box; I'm equally glad they'll never again see the light of day. Maybe I would have been one of those people writing up those kinds of fic-ified imagines to share with others, if wifi and smartphones and Tumblr were a thing when I was thirteen instead of dial-up slow-as-fuck AOL. :)

Anyway. You may have noticed I've made a resolution to blog more this year; I'm hoping more engagement will help keep me from sliding back into last year's blue fugue.

Along similar lines: I'll be signing up for this year's getyourwordsout - signups run through Jan 15, and their commitment levels start at 75,000 words. I'm not sure yet which level I'll sign up for, but their accountability posts should help keep me going. :)

So, it's August already is it? Wow.

I'm mostly settled in my apartment now, adjusting to the shift in finances and missing my niblings like crazy. I've seen them a handful of times since the move; Tiny Man is now crawling! My mom has also acquired a full-time job for the first time in ... probably longer than I've been alive, now that she's finally admitted she has to pay for the upkeep on the house and maintain health insurance somehow before Dad's 401(k) runs out, or she'll be broke before his social security payments kick in. That's been a stressor and a half, and other family drama on top of that has been a major stressor on me.

In happier news-- mostly-- I went hiking with MaeveBran and her husband last weekend at Mt. Thielsen. She made it about three miles up the trail, near the crossing with the PCT; he and I kept going up the West Ridge route until the base of the summit pinnacle, at about the 9,000 foot level. It was amazingly beautiful, and the butterflies were migrating that week; we saw swarms of them even up that high! I had an attack of dumbass on the way down, though; when we reached MaeveBran again I took my eyes off my feet and lifted my walking stick to wave hello, and caught a foot on a rock. Cue instant massive contusion the size of my fist on my left shin, just below the knee, with miles of walking yet to go. A week later, there's still a sizeable knot there, and discoloration all the way down to my ankle; but at least I didn't break anything. And to make up for it we did dinner that night at the lodge at Crater Lake, since it was only about an hour away. Sunset views there: spectacular. Still, I think we'll plan a less difficult mountain next year. :)

Anyway, so what am I ficcing as I recover from all that plus the recent heat wave? I'm about 16,000 words into another Ichabod/Abbie het big bang, for which I'll be looking for an alpha reader soon; and I'm sort of half-way participating in the August Twistedshorts Ficathon as ideas occur. So you'll be seeing short crossovers pop up over the next few weeks. Other than that, we'll see; I missed the end of the signups for crossovering while I was on the hiking trip, but I'm considering fandomgrowthexchange.

I'll get to backagainharry again by the end of the year; I swear it. It's just. Trying to wrap my head around that behemoth with other stressors going on never goes well. Same with the last of my wishlist fic; just can't do the pressure right now. September, October maybe? *squinting at calendar* Yeah, maybe.

Hope the rest of you are doing well!

I seem to spend a lot of time making people talk to each other, or themselves, in my fics rather than throwing themselves into action. Does that get boring? I worry about it sometimes.

I haven't said much about my non-fic life lately, I know. It's been more of the same, mostly, with a few shining interludes. My health is good: haven't gained any weight back since last year, and have managed to keep the exercise going. My reading quota is better: 46 books this year already. I attended CON-Con (the Leverage convention) in March, and the local Jim Butcher book signing a week and a half ago with maevebran, sulien77, and little_lusty. (I still haven't read Changes, but I'm looking forward to it).

Next week, I go to the Microsoft Conference in Georgia; and about 24 hours after I fly back from that, I fly back out again to visit my brother in Mississippi for a week and a half. It'll be good to take a break from real life for awhile; I love my life these days, but it's so busy I 've had a hard time finding the energy to get much writing done. *cracks knuckles* At least I have today and tomorrow free. Then I've got to get some heavy-duty cleaning and packing done.

For those of you who follow fic awards, I've been nominated in the "Five Things" category at the c2c_buffyawards, for my Illyria/Wes post-series-finale fic Moving On. \0/ It's one of my own favorite things I've ever written; I'm extremely thankful to whichever of you put my name in.

Off to Wal-Mart now; the last time I bought shorts was in the middle of my transition from size 18 to 4, and I'm going to need some for beach bumming in two weeks. I think I'll wait to buy a new swimsuit until I'm actually down there, though; the selection up here in the Pacific NorthWest is kind of dismal in my preferred price range. TTFN. I should have something in the SG-1/PJO range for you later... more conversational crossover trailbreaking, I fear. *lol*
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Hm. Not counting this year's Yuletide (which I always note down as January wordcount), it looks like my total comes to 188K and change this year. Best. Year. Ever, even with my long silences the last couple of months working on my Big Bang fics. I'll have to do an analysis post soon.

Speaking of Yuletide, I received a War God's Own fic: Riding Along. As far as I'm aware this is the first fic in the fandom, and is a warm, contemplative post-canon Gen fic. It made me smile.

I wrote four Yuletide stories myself, for a total of 5500 words, two of them in fandoms I've never written in before. Comments have been light, but good for the most part, and all my recipients have commented; I've even received a couple of recs and bookmarks! So I'm well content this year.

Next up: those chapters of BL and AiR I've been swearing to write for months now. And then, I have a 10K deadline for smallfandom_bb on January 8. Considering I currently only have 300 words, that's going to take some doing. *cracking knuckles* I'm getting better at this longfic thing again, though; I'm sure I can manage.
~

My cat does not know what to make of my birthday balloons. She keeps circling them, sniffing the ribbons, staring up at all the different colors, shying away when they rub against each other. It's kind of entertaining to watch. Not as much as giving her a half-dozen bouncy balls to chase around the house, but still fun. *grin*

So far this year, for my birthday I have been given: various birthday wishes (thank you everyone); one eighteen-ounce (510g) soy candle, scented "Fresh Cut Grass"; two Macy's gift cards; one year's subscription renewal to AAA Plus; a bunch of helium balloons; a cute stuffed monkey; and a Pilates exercise set. All pretty darned practical (though awesome), aside from the monkey and the balloons. I'm counting on my brother for the "entertainment" gift quotient this year, but I don't think he's mailed it yet!

And of course there's also my gift to myself: 25lbs. lost and counting. *sighs happily*

Oh: and Happy Birthday to ignavus, too! You know you'll always be a year older than I am! =)
~

One of the most wrenching things about grief, I think, is this feeling of not being able to breathe.

( Cut for more tl;dr about grief, D--, and what comes next... )

Would it be too much, do you think, if I dug around in my photo albums for pix of D-- to take along with the potted flowers when I drop by his parents' house tonight?
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