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jedibuttercupRound 6 of the Circle of Friends Remix is now open for reading at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cof_remix.
Four messages the crew left Zoë, and one time she surprised them in return, as they put the pieces back together after Miranda.
Title: Some Reassembly Required (The Found in the Ashes Remix)
Author: Jedi Buttercup
Disclaimer: The words are mine; the worlds are not.
Rating: Het; T/PG-13
Spoilers: Post-series and post-movie
Notes: Written for Round 6 of the Circle of Friends remix. Original story: Stars and Dreams and Fire by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sroni. It's been a while since I wrote much Firefly, but it's my third-biggest fandom, and the Mal/Kaylee pairing on this one caught my eye. But Zoë's absence from the narrative caught my eye as well, and the remix sort of evolved into a 'five things' from her perspective.
Summary: Four messages the crew left Zoë, and one time she surprised them in return, as they put the pieces back together after Miranda. 3700 words.
"I expect one of the others has said somethin' by now." The familiar voice was rueful on the Cortex screen; the familiar face that went with it twisted into a wry, knowing smile in the 'wave message. "Couldn't quite conjure the words to tell you myself. Besides which-- I gotta admit, I already knew what you was going to say, and didn't want to put you to the trouble of sayin' it.
"So. Let's just assume you already done reminded me about all the nonsense I said when it was your turn, and get to the important part of this call."
Typical Mal. He weren't wrong; but how like him to say so in a recorded message, so there'd be no risk of actually having to eat his little speech about romance.
But then he added a bit the others hadn't passed on. "I know you said you're hopin' to come back once the little 'un's old enough, to raise him shipboard like you were, and like his daddy would have wanted. I don't mean to discourage you none on that point, or make you feel laggard for doin' what was needful. But... it looks like it's gonna be Kaylee you're talkin' to when the time comes. Next time we make landfall on Truth, I'm fixin' to stay there. Permanently."
He paused there, sober and steady as he stared into the camera, as if it unsettled him as much to speak such words as it did Zoë to hear them. He hadn't actually said he would be leaving Serenity, a lie Captain Reynolds would have known better than to tell his former second. But it was the next best thing: a claim so out of character as to make her want to check the 'wave for tampering.
Or-- was it? There was a flush to Mal's cheeks, an almost feverish gleam to his eye that Zoë hadn't seen the like of since she'd found him on Persephone after the war. Since he'd led her onto an old junk-heap Firefly and filled it from bays to buffer panels with new-spun hope. Grasping after the first ray of warm sunshine to strike him since those days in the Valley; finding something-- or someone-- to carry him on.
"Chrissie's folk were ranchers; and she don't want to leave the land they left her. She ain't no Saffron; don't like the idea of space one bit, or me riskin' my life over no vault of cashy money. And truth be told, there ain't been so many jobs since Miranda that wouldn't have gone a deal smoother without my ruggedly handsome face, anyhow. Operative cleared the Tams' records, not mine. So-- I'm plannin' to leave Serenity in Kaylee's hands, and go back to my roots.
"And it ain't got nothin' to do with Inara leaving," he cleared his throat, "or you goin' back to family and the best medical care money can buy. It's... well." He scratched sheepishly at his chin. "I'd plumb forgot how shiny such a life can be; sharin' a meal with the hands, diggin' my toes in good earth, jars of wildflowers in every window and a smile to greet me when I walk in the door. I don't much believe in second chances, but one seems to have found me, anyhow. And I aim to seize it before it passes me by.
"Anyway. I don't know when I'll get a chance to 'wave again; but you can reach me on Truth, care of the Gilliam ranch, in six days' time. I know Kaylee'll take as good care of the ship as I would, and jobs'll run a deal smoother with her smilin' face at the helm, at least 'til you're ready to join 'em. If'n you still do; I don't mean to pressure.
"Now, I know I ain't got no right to ask; but if you could see your way clear to sending a 'wave on ahead of me, Chrissie was wonderin' why my best mate won't be standin' up at our wedding. I'd 'preciate you reassurin' her on the matter."
His fingers lingered against the screen as he reached to sign off, and he tipped his head to her in acknowledgement. "Bet you never thought either of us'd be here, all those years ago when we met. Well, I guess the last laugh's on us."
The 'wave ended with the same wry smile that had begun it; Zoë shook her head with a sigh. Easy for Mal to say; he knew damn well she'd never thought they'd survive the War in the first place.
But that hadn't been their destiny; to find that, they'd had to go to the stars.
And whether this Chrissie was part of it-- well, she hoped his 'turn' went a deal smoother than hers.
"Jayne called me Captain for the first time today." A dark head of hair shook on the screen, twin buns pierced by decorative chopsticks perched atop it. Kaylee's 'Captain' face looked a lot like her 'barker' face, a fact that surprised Zoë not in the least.
"Jayne called me Captain!" she repeated, incredulously. "I'm still not even used to callin' myself Captain; I got to tell you, I looked all around to see who he was talkin' to, 'fore I realized.
"There's still days I wake up and pinch myself, 'cause I can't hardly believe Mal's really gone. And he gave Serenity to me!" Kaylee's eyes went wide and round, her expression fair glowing with amazement. "The 'prairie harpy' he hired 'cause he caught her under the engine with his mechanic, and she happened to know what to do with a tacked reg couple! You'd think if he was gonna pick someone as couldn't be him-- or you-- that it'd be someone like Simon who knows his way around a plan and don't freeze up when you hand him a gun."
She shook her head, then took a deep breath. "Which is why I'm callin', I guess; 'cause I got a plan I wanted to talk over with someone. But I forgot, you're probably still visitin' Wash's folks."
It apparently hadn't occurred to Kaylee yet, Zoë mused fondly as the younger woman's babble rolled over her, that the ship meant more to Mal than what was done with her; that he valued his crew several rungs above his payroll, and that both factors affected more'n a few of his decisions. He must never have given her his speech about what kept a boat in the air: the one thing Kaylee had an over-abundance of which none of the rest of the candidates did, for one reason or another.
"Anyway. I was worried at first that I've have trouble gettin' jobs, but Mal 'waved Fanty and Mingo before he left, and they dropped their cut back down to twenty-five percent. Said anyone as could keep Serenity in the air so long with what I had to deal with, they might could trust to do as much with their clients." Kaylee's laughter was as cheerful as ever; a rare ray of sunshine in the Black. "I don't know about that; but it's mighty appreciated, and I told 'em so. And between times, we've been pickin' up small jobs off the public Cortex; they don't got much margin, but we ain't outlaws anymore, and with only the four of us it's more'n enough to keep us in fuel and protein.
"Thing is, though." Kaylee paused there, worrying at her lip with her teeth. "We could really use a little cushion, 'specially if I do want a proper repair fund. So I was thinkin' about the shuttle, and I was wondering.
"Do you think it'd be too soon to 'wave Inara? I mean, we all know why she left, and it wasn't on account of she didn't want to stay. Someone as yōumĕi and well respected as a Companion would really be best anyway, what with the license and client base and all, and I've missed her somethin' fierce. But I wasn't sure if it would be disrespectful, bein' as how Mal's only just left, and it ain't like I can ask him. I don't know how much he's told Chrissie, and you can't hardly catch him on the Cortex alone these days."
She paused there, then shook her head, smiling ruefully at herself. "Well, I suppose I can't blame her; he had this whole exciting life before he met her, I'd be worried he was daydreamin' about what he'd left behind, too. Kind of the opposite problem as me and Simon-- but that's a whole 'nother story. The heart wants what the heart wants, you know? But sometimes the brain ain't all too good at interpretatin'. Though it ain't like the sex is bad or nothin'....
"But listen to me, gettin' all off course. You'd think I'd be a little more somber now that I'm the Captain. No such luck, I'm afraid; that was all Mal." She pursed her mouth in wry humor.
Then she brightened again, like a sunrise seen from orbit breaking over the rim of the world. "Which puts me of a mind to say hell with it and call Inara anyway; guess I just needed to talk at someone, not with someone. Which isn't to say I don't still want to chat! 'Wave me back when you get a chance. And give the little man a kiss from his Auntie Cap'n!"
She might talk all uncertain-like, but Mal's leaving her Serenity had been good for Kaylee. Pity that she couldn't be there to see her grow into it, firsthand.
"Hey, uh, Zoë." Jayne's face was pale and a mite shell-shocked, where it wasn't streaked with grime and soot. "Forgot it was the middle of the night there-- but someone's got to tell you, and the rest of 'em's still busy with Mal. And it ain't like he's goin' to. Even if he was in his right mind, he done already said he don't want you reminded. Which is gŏushĭ; if anyone's got the right to know, I figure it's you."
His throat worked, his expression one of powerful disquiet, sparking a matching feeling of uneasiness in the pit of Zoë's gut. "It's his missus; Chrissie, and the ranch too. All of it. We was visitin', stoppin' over on our way to Paquin, and sometime after we all turned in a fire the next township over done jumped the canyon."
A fire? The word held special meaning for one who'd seen the aftermath of Shadow, and sung of burning lands and boiling seas after the War. Zoë clapped a hand over her mouth, echoes of sympathetic pain tugging at old scars.
"Some wildfire that started up out in the backcountry," he shrugged. "Someone said the mayor was warned about it, but figured it was too far out to harm anybody; expected the next rain shower would put it out, or somesuch. Whyever the reason, he didn't even send out a warnin'. Then the wind blew up, I guess. The first we knew about it was the smell of smoke, wakin' us all up.
"Mal ran out to the fields to round up the livestock; we-all went with him, and half the ranch hands sleepin' in the bunkhouse. Chrissie stayed behind with the rest to start layin' a fire-break while they waited for the brigade to show. But by the time we got back to the house...."
Jayne shook his head, expression grimly sympathetic; he'd grown a lot in the years Zoë'd known him, and never was it more evident than in that moment. "I expect you can fill in the rest. We brought Mal back on board with us, 'fore he could lay hands on a gun, or we'd probably have a warrant on our heads again for the death of the local fire marshal. Wasn't much left to salvage but the animals we saved, and he told us to see those parceled out among the survivin' hands.
"Guess that means he's gonna be Captain again. Don't know how that's goin' to work with Kaylee's name on all the records these days, but I guess that ain't my lookout. Meanwhile, we're sittin' on Truth with a hold full of cave frogs, of all the damn things-- they're some kind of delicacy a few planets over, but they reek like you wouldn't believe, worse even than when we moved all them cows.
"Don't know where we're goin' next, or how long we're gonna be here. Things is all topsy-turvy. Don't expect you could get out here anyhow, even if you wanted to. But... I thought you might oughtta know."
He closed the 'wave with a frown; two other message lights blinked in the buffer in its wake.
One of them was from Mal. Only a few seconds long, like he'd started to record a message and changed his mind, then sent it on by mistake. But that was enough for Zoë to recognize the look on his face; one she knew from the inside out. Taken to where he could not stand.
She spent the rest of the morning in the nursery, humming the Ballad of Serenity and mourning fallen stars.
"It was disorienting, coming back from even so short a time away to find things so changed in my absence. I suppose I was fooling myself, after what happened the first time; though the event that brought about my return was extremely traumatic, I found everyone very much as I had left them, as though life were a thing that could be picked up and put down again at one's leisure. I realize now that that was more the anomaly than the reverse, getting to know the crew again under Kaylee's Captainship-- and yet again, since Mal's return. I can only imagine what it's been like for you on the other end of a 'wave, so far removed from the life that was yours for so long."
Inara, smiling compassionately at the camera, seemed as perfectly poised as ever; like a fine porcelain teacup, fired and glazed into a work of art. Only her eyes betrayed the passage of years since she'd first set foot on Serenity. "You know why I initially left; and why I did so again, after the sparks of the reunion began to ebb. I was convinced that Mal and I would only destroy each other if I stayed.
"I thought I was doing the right thing, leaving. Seeing him destroyed regardless, will I nill I-- I can't bring myself to leave the ship again now that he's back. But I'm not self-centered enough to believe that I can fix him either, even if he would let me, when for all my best efforts I could do no better than 'spin him about' before.
"I know you've spoken to Kaylee since he came back; and Simon as well. I don't know if either of them has mentioned it yet-- but I've begun encouraging Simon to spend more time in my shuttle, offering tea ceremonies and broadwaves of coreworld opera productions and the like.
"I've also seen the low railings going up, and the magnet strips in the engine room; forgive me for speaking out of turn if that wasn't at your instigation-- I'd have asked outright if I'd caught you in-- but it does seem suggestive, so I thought this might be a good time to broach the topic. It's been a long time since we last had tea together in my shuttle, but I respect you, both for your friendship and your place in the crew, and of all those in this family-- I believe you'll be the one most likely to understand."
A lot of words, to approach a subject she still had yet to air; but that was Inara, always deliberate in the use of every word, object, and gesture. Layering scenes and sentences for best effect. Zoë had never believed she'd left that trunk of sundries on Serenity before Miranda by mistake; her only mistake had been in forgetting the fraught way Mal had of disarraying all her careful constructs. Zoë hadn't been surprised when she'd left again but a few months later. But whatever she was dithering on now-- it was something Zoë'd been, as Inara had implied, too long absent to guess at.
"I've never sought romantic love, and not simply due to my calling. It's no more forbidden for a Companion to fall in love than any other, though it often requires more delicate negotiations. But that all-consuming feeling of becoming one on a spiritual level; I've never been comfortable with surrendering my autonomy in such a way. The only time I've come close to that, with Mal, only proved to me that I had been right to dream of the stars rather than a partner as a child. Simon, I have discovered, is much the same; he's lucky that Kaylee realized for herself that they were better friends than lovers before his lack of deep investment caused her pain.
"Kaylee and Mal, however...." Inara trailed off at that, her smile turning wry and brittle. "She's had enough seasoning in his time away to see him clearly; he married a woman as like her as a sister; and they've spent more time alone together since his return than either has with anyone else. You see now, I hope, why I've decided to let the others believe I'm seducing Simon? I don't believe I'm wrong in seeing the possibilities between them. But you've known him longer; and I thought it best to seek your opinion before it goes any further."
She seemed to mean it, too, dark eyes belying the rest of her carefully crafted façade.
Zoë'd had nigh on three years to recover from the loss of her husband; though the pain hadn't entirely faded, it didn't bite as deep as it used to. And as it took up less room in her heart... other losses had begun to raise their voices, as well.
She missed her chosen family, put together piece by piece in the aftermath of the War. Missed her home, as much as she could see Inara had. It had shattered further and put itself together again in her absence, even as she had; even as Mal, it seemed, was in the process of doing. The crew had changed, in ways she'd seen and ways she'd missed entirely, while Zoë had been relearning how to live with her losses.
And for the first time... Zoë found she wanted to be a part of it again, firsthand.
The backdrop behind Zoë looked distractingly unfamiliar as the Cortex connection sprang to life. Kaylee had left her more messages than exchanged live 'waves over the last three years, caught out of place or pulled too far apart by the turn of the worlds, but she knew the fussy décor of Zoë's cousin's house on Liann Jiun, and it nowise looked like the bridge of a light-bulk transport vessel.
"Cap'n," Zoë replied, balancing what looked to be Serenity's pending eighth crewmember on one hip. Then she nodded to Mal beside her, a wry smile curling up one corner of her mouth. "Captains."
Mal's hand tightened convulsively on Kaylee's as he took in the scene. "Zoë. There somethin' you might maybe ought to've mentioned the last time you 'waved?" he blurted.
Kaylee gave him a judicious elbow to the side, beaming at the other woman. "Careful there, Mal; you might give her the impression it's a bad surprise."
"And might just invite me to return the question," Zoë added in kind, eyes dropping pointedly to where their hands joined between them.
Kaylee blushed again, pleased that Zoë had noticed; pleased that she didn't seem upset by it; and pleased more that Mal hadn't let go when the 'wave connected. "S'good to see you," she replied. "Y'all on your way to meet us?"
"That's the idea," Zoë replied, eyeing the others gathered behind them; the whole crew had gathered for the 'wave, given that it was the little man's third birthday. "You still headed for Persephone?"
"Sure as snow falls on St. Albans," Kaylee replied, bouncing slightly on her toes. "Serenity'll be at the Eavesdown Docks by sundown."
"We're scheduled to dock a few hours after; I'll query the port to find you once we're down. That is, if you've got a bunk to offer an old friend?"
"Old friend nothin'," Jayne snorted, speaking up. "Kaylee's been makin' me pilot and all kinds of other qīngwā cào de managin' stuff since you been gone. I'd scrub your bunk out myself, if I weren't half sure she'd done it already."
"Kaylee?" Mal turned to her, eyebrow raised. "That true? You been bidin' a conspiracy on this ship behind my back?"
"Ask a silly question," she laughed, stretching up to kiss the end of his nose. "Wasn't sure when, but I was sure she'd be back. Right, River?"
"Distance is meaningless as a measurement with access to radion-accelerator cores," River spoke from her spot tucked between Simon and Inara, nodding assent. "Serenity's been waiting."
"I didn't mean to keep her. But these things do take time," Zoë replied.
Mal swallowed, then gave her an acknowledging nod. "A fact no one here would hold in dispute. But in all seriousness, Zoë-- is this a visit, or are you returnin'?"
"In all seriousness...." she replied, gently. "It's time."
Mal liked to claim Kaylee was infecting him with her cheeriness, turning him into less of a curmudgeon; but he always had been happiest when everyone he cared about was close: tucked safe under Serenity's wing like a basketful of purring kittens. He'd grieved Chrissie hard, but as he'd settled back in, Serenity had settled him too. No debt nor warrant to plague him, just life to be living-- and now, Zoë on her way to join 'em, too.
"Well, then. Welcome home," he said, clearing his throat gruffly. Kaylee echoed him easily, the others' voices behind her as the last piece of their home finally clicked into place.
A different shaped puzzle than it used to be, maybe. But one no less filled with warmth and life.
(x-posted tocof_remix & AO3)
cof_remix.Four messages the crew left Zoë, and one time she surprised them in return, as they put the pieces back together after Miranda.
Title: Some Reassembly Required (The Found in the Ashes Remix)
Author: Jedi Buttercup
Disclaimer: The words are mine; the worlds are not.
Rating: Het; T/PG-13
Spoilers: Post-series and post-movie
Notes: Written for Round 6 of the Circle of Friends remix. Original story: Stars and Dreams and Fire by
sroni. It's been a while since I wrote much Firefly, but it's my third-biggest fandom, and the Mal/Kaylee pairing on this one caught my eye. But Zoë's absence from the narrative caught my eye as well, and the remix sort of evolved into a 'five things' from her perspective.Summary: Four messages the crew left Zoë, and one time she surprised them in return, as they put the pieces back together after Miranda. 3700 words.
"I expect one of the others has said somethin' by now." The familiar voice was rueful on the Cortex screen; the familiar face that went with it twisted into a wry, knowing smile in the 'wave message. "Couldn't quite conjure the words to tell you myself. Besides which-- I gotta admit, I already knew what you was going to say, and didn't want to put you to the trouble of sayin' it.
"So. Let's just assume you already done reminded me about all the nonsense I said when it was your turn, and get to the important part of this call."
Typical Mal. He weren't wrong; but how like him to say so in a recorded message, so there'd be no risk of actually having to eat his little speech about romance.
But then he added a bit the others hadn't passed on. "I know you said you're hopin' to come back once the little 'un's old enough, to raise him shipboard like you were, and like his daddy would have wanted. I don't mean to discourage you none on that point, or make you feel laggard for doin' what was needful. But... it looks like it's gonna be Kaylee you're talkin' to when the time comes. Next time we make landfall on Truth, I'm fixin' to stay there. Permanently."
He paused there, sober and steady as he stared into the camera, as if it unsettled him as much to speak such words as it did Zoë to hear them. He hadn't actually said he would be leaving Serenity, a lie Captain Reynolds would have known better than to tell his former second. But it was the next best thing: a claim so out of character as to make her want to check the 'wave for tampering.
Or-- was it? There was a flush to Mal's cheeks, an almost feverish gleam to his eye that Zoë hadn't seen the like of since she'd found him on Persephone after the war. Since he'd led her onto an old junk-heap Firefly and filled it from bays to buffer panels with new-spun hope. Grasping after the first ray of warm sunshine to strike him since those days in the Valley; finding something-- or someone-- to carry him on.
"Chrissie's folk were ranchers; and she don't want to leave the land they left her. She ain't no Saffron; don't like the idea of space one bit, or me riskin' my life over no vault of cashy money. And truth be told, there ain't been so many jobs since Miranda that wouldn't have gone a deal smoother without my ruggedly handsome face, anyhow. Operative cleared the Tams' records, not mine. So-- I'm plannin' to leave Serenity in Kaylee's hands, and go back to my roots.
"And it ain't got nothin' to do with Inara leaving," he cleared his throat, "or you goin' back to family and the best medical care money can buy. It's... well." He scratched sheepishly at his chin. "I'd plumb forgot how shiny such a life can be; sharin' a meal with the hands, diggin' my toes in good earth, jars of wildflowers in every window and a smile to greet me when I walk in the door. I don't much believe in second chances, but one seems to have found me, anyhow. And I aim to seize it before it passes me by.
"Anyway. I don't know when I'll get a chance to 'wave again; but you can reach me on Truth, care of the Gilliam ranch, in six days' time. I know Kaylee'll take as good care of the ship as I would, and jobs'll run a deal smoother with her smilin' face at the helm, at least 'til you're ready to join 'em. If'n you still do; I don't mean to pressure.
"Now, I know I ain't got no right to ask; but if you could see your way clear to sending a 'wave on ahead of me, Chrissie was wonderin' why my best mate won't be standin' up at our wedding. I'd 'preciate you reassurin' her on the matter."
His fingers lingered against the screen as he reached to sign off, and he tipped his head to her in acknowledgement. "Bet you never thought either of us'd be here, all those years ago when we met. Well, I guess the last laugh's on us."
The 'wave ended with the same wry smile that had begun it; Zoë shook her head with a sigh. Easy for Mal to say; he knew damn well she'd never thought they'd survive the War in the first place.
But that hadn't been their destiny; to find that, they'd had to go to the stars.
And whether this Chrissie was part of it-- well, she hoped his 'turn' went a deal smoother than hers.
"Jayne called me Captain for the first time today." A dark head of hair shook on the screen, twin buns pierced by decorative chopsticks perched atop it. Kaylee's 'Captain' face looked a lot like her 'barker' face, a fact that surprised Zoë not in the least.
"Jayne called me Captain!" she repeated, incredulously. "I'm still not even used to callin' myself Captain; I got to tell you, I looked all around to see who he was talkin' to, 'fore I realized.
"There's still days I wake up and pinch myself, 'cause I can't hardly believe Mal's really gone. And he gave Serenity to me!" Kaylee's eyes went wide and round, her expression fair glowing with amazement. "The 'prairie harpy' he hired 'cause he caught her under the engine with his mechanic, and she happened to know what to do with a tacked reg couple! You'd think if he was gonna pick someone as couldn't be him-- or you-- that it'd be someone like Simon who knows his way around a plan and don't freeze up when you hand him a gun."
She shook her head, then took a deep breath. "Which is why I'm callin', I guess; 'cause I got a plan I wanted to talk over with someone. But I forgot, you're probably still visitin' Wash's folks."
It apparently hadn't occurred to Kaylee yet, Zoë mused fondly as the younger woman's babble rolled over her, that the ship meant more to Mal than what was done with her; that he valued his crew several rungs above his payroll, and that both factors affected more'n a few of his decisions. He must never have given her his speech about what kept a boat in the air: the one thing Kaylee had an over-abundance of which none of the rest of the candidates did, for one reason or another.
"Anyway. I was worried at first that I've have trouble gettin' jobs, but Mal 'waved Fanty and Mingo before he left, and they dropped their cut back down to twenty-five percent. Said anyone as could keep Serenity in the air so long with what I had to deal with, they might could trust to do as much with their clients." Kaylee's laughter was as cheerful as ever; a rare ray of sunshine in the Black. "I don't know about that; but it's mighty appreciated, and I told 'em so. And between times, we've been pickin' up small jobs off the public Cortex; they don't got much margin, but we ain't outlaws anymore, and with only the four of us it's more'n enough to keep us in fuel and protein.
"Thing is, though." Kaylee paused there, worrying at her lip with her teeth. "We could really use a little cushion, 'specially if I do want a proper repair fund. So I was thinkin' about the shuttle, and I was wondering.
"Do you think it'd be too soon to 'wave Inara? I mean, we all know why she left, and it wasn't on account of she didn't want to stay. Someone as yōumĕi and well respected as a Companion would really be best anyway, what with the license and client base and all, and I've missed her somethin' fierce. But I wasn't sure if it would be disrespectful, bein' as how Mal's only just left, and it ain't like I can ask him. I don't know how much he's told Chrissie, and you can't hardly catch him on the Cortex alone these days."
She paused there, then shook her head, smiling ruefully at herself. "Well, I suppose I can't blame her; he had this whole exciting life before he met her, I'd be worried he was daydreamin' about what he'd left behind, too. Kind of the opposite problem as me and Simon-- but that's a whole 'nother story. The heart wants what the heart wants, you know? But sometimes the brain ain't all too good at interpretatin'. Though it ain't like the sex is bad or nothin'....
"But listen to me, gettin' all off course. You'd think I'd be a little more somber now that I'm the Captain. No such luck, I'm afraid; that was all Mal." She pursed her mouth in wry humor.
Then she brightened again, like a sunrise seen from orbit breaking over the rim of the world. "Which puts me of a mind to say hell with it and call Inara anyway; guess I just needed to talk at someone, not with someone. Which isn't to say I don't still want to chat! 'Wave me back when you get a chance. And give the little man a kiss from his Auntie Cap'n!"
She might talk all uncertain-like, but Mal's leaving her Serenity had been good for Kaylee. Pity that she couldn't be there to see her grow into it, firsthand.
"Hey, uh, Zoë." Jayne's face was pale and a mite shell-shocked, where it wasn't streaked with grime and soot. "Forgot it was the middle of the night there-- but someone's got to tell you, and the rest of 'em's still busy with Mal. And it ain't like he's goin' to. Even if he was in his right mind, he done already said he don't want you reminded. Which is gŏushĭ; if anyone's got the right to know, I figure it's you."
His throat worked, his expression one of powerful disquiet, sparking a matching feeling of uneasiness in the pit of Zoë's gut. "It's his missus; Chrissie, and the ranch too. All of it. We was visitin', stoppin' over on our way to Paquin, and sometime after we all turned in a fire the next township over done jumped the canyon."
A fire? The word held special meaning for one who'd seen the aftermath of Shadow, and sung of burning lands and boiling seas after the War. Zoë clapped a hand over her mouth, echoes of sympathetic pain tugging at old scars.
"Some wildfire that started up out in the backcountry," he shrugged. "Someone said the mayor was warned about it, but figured it was too far out to harm anybody; expected the next rain shower would put it out, or somesuch. Whyever the reason, he didn't even send out a warnin'. Then the wind blew up, I guess. The first we knew about it was the smell of smoke, wakin' us all up.
"Mal ran out to the fields to round up the livestock; we-all went with him, and half the ranch hands sleepin' in the bunkhouse. Chrissie stayed behind with the rest to start layin' a fire-break while they waited for the brigade to show. But by the time we got back to the house...."
Jayne shook his head, expression grimly sympathetic; he'd grown a lot in the years Zoë'd known him, and never was it more evident than in that moment. "I expect you can fill in the rest. We brought Mal back on board with us, 'fore he could lay hands on a gun, or we'd probably have a warrant on our heads again for the death of the local fire marshal. Wasn't much left to salvage but the animals we saved, and he told us to see those parceled out among the survivin' hands.
"Guess that means he's gonna be Captain again. Don't know how that's goin' to work with Kaylee's name on all the records these days, but I guess that ain't my lookout. Meanwhile, we're sittin' on Truth with a hold full of cave frogs, of all the damn things-- they're some kind of delicacy a few planets over, but they reek like you wouldn't believe, worse even than when we moved all them cows.
"Don't know where we're goin' next, or how long we're gonna be here. Things is all topsy-turvy. Don't expect you could get out here anyhow, even if you wanted to. But... I thought you might oughtta know."
He closed the 'wave with a frown; two other message lights blinked in the buffer in its wake.
One of them was from Mal. Only a few seconds long, like he'd started to record a message and changed his mind, then sent it on by mistake. But that was enough for Zoë to recognize the look on his face; one she knew from the inside out. Taken to where he could not stand.
She spent the rest of the morning in the nursery, humming the Ballad of Serenity and mourning fallen stars.
"It was disorienting, coming back from even so short a time away to find things so changed in my absence. I suppose I was fooling myself, after what happened the first time; though the event that brought about my return was extremely traumatic, I found everyone very much as I had left them, as though life were a thing that could be picked up and put down again at one's leisure. I realize now that that was more the anomaly than the reverse, getting to know the crew again under Kaylee's Captainship-- and yet again, since Mal's return. I can only imagine what it's been like for you on the other end of a 'wave, so far removed from the life that was yours for so long."
Inara, smiling compassionately at the camera, seemed as perfectly poised as ever; like a fine porcelain teacup, fired and glazed into a work of art. Only her eyes betrayed the passage of years since she'd first set foot on Serenity. "You know why I initially left; and why I did so again, after the sparks of the reunion began to ebb. I was convinced that Mal and I would only destroy each other if I stayed.
"I thought I was doing the right thing, leaving. Seeing him destroyed regardless, will I nill I-- I can't bring myself to leave the ship again now that he's back. But I'm not self-centered enough to believe that I can fix him either, even if he would let me, when for all my best efforts I could do no better than 'spin him about' before.
"I know you've spoken to Kaylee since he came back; and Simon as well. I don't know if either of them has mentioned it yet-- but I've begun encouraging Simon to spend more time in my shuttle, offering tea ceremonies and broadwaves of coreworld opera productions and the like.
"I've also seen the low railings going up, and the magnet strips in the engine room; forgive me for speaking out of turn if that wasn't at your instigation-- I'd have asked outright if I'd caught you in-- but it does seem suggestive, so I thought this might be a good time to broach the topic. It's been a long time since we last had tea together in my shuttle, but I respect you, both for your friendship and your place in the crew, and of all those in this family-- I believe you'll be the one most likely to understand."
A lot of words, to approach a subject she still had yet to air; but that was Inara, always deliberate in the use of every word, object, and gesture. Layering scenes and sentences for best effect. Zoë had never believed she'd left that trunk of sundries on Serenity before Miranda by mistake; her only mistake had been in forgetting the fraught way Mal had of disarraying all her careful constructs. Zoë hadn't been surprised when she'd left again but a few months later. But whatever she was dithering on now-- it was something Zoë'd been, as Inara had implied, too long absent to guess at.
"I've never sought romantic love, and not simply due to my calling. It's no more forbidden for a Companion to fall in love than any other, though it often requires more delicate negotiations. But that all-consuming feeling of becoming one on a spiritual level; I've never been comfortable with surrendering my autonomy in such a way. The only time I've come close to that, with Mal, only proved to me that I had been right to dream of the stars rather than a partner as a child. Simon, I have discovered, is much the same; he's lucky that Kaylee realized for herself that they were better friends than lovers before his lack of deep investment caused her pain.
"Kaylee and Mal, however...." Inara trailed off at that, her smile turning wry and brittle. "She's had enough seasoning in his time away to see him clearly; he married a woman as like her as a sister; and they've spent more time alone together since his return than either has with anyone else. You see now, I hope, why I've decided to let the others believe I'm seducing Simon? I don't believe I'm wrong in seeing the possibilities between them. But you've known him longer; and I thought it best to seek your opinion before it goes any further."
She seemed to mean it, too, dark eyes belying the rest of her carefully crafted façade.
Zoë'd had nigh on three years to recover from the loss of her husband; though the pain hadn't entirely faded, it didn't bite as deep as it used to. And as it took up less room in her heart... other losses had begun to raise their voices, as well.
She missed her chosen family, put together piece by piece in the aftermath of the War. Missed her home, as much as she could see Inara had. It had shattered further and put itself together again in her absence, even as she had; even as Mal, it seemed, was in the process of doing. The crew had changed, in ways she'd seen and ways she'd missed entirely, while Zoë had been relearning how to live with her losses.
And for the first time... Zoë found she wanted to be a part of it again, firsthand.
The backdrop behind Zoë looked distractingly unfamiliar as the Cortex connection sprang to life. Kaylee had left her more messages than exchanged live 'waves over the last three years, caught out of place or pulled too far apart by the turn of the worlds, but she knew the fussy décor of Zoë's cousin's house on Liann Jiun, and it nowise looked like the bridge of a light-bulk transport vessel.
"Cap'n," Zoë replied, balancing what looked to be Serenity's pending eighth crewmember on one hip. Then she nodded to Mal beside her, a wry smile curling up one corner of her mouth. "Captains."
Mal's hand tightened convulsively on Kaylee's as he took in the scene. "Zoë. There somethin' you might maybe ought to've mentioned the last time you 'waved?" he blurted.
Kaylee gave him a judicious elbow to the side, beaming at the other woman. "Careful there, Mal; you might give her the impression it's a bad surprise."
"And might just invite me to return the question," Zoë added in kind, eyes dropping pointedly to where their hands joined between them.
Kaylee blushed again, pleased that Zoë had noticed; pleased that she didn't seem upset by it; and pleased more that Mal hadn't let go when the 'wave connected. "S'good to see you," she replied. "Y'all on your way to meet us?"
"That's the idea," Zoë replied, eyeing the others gathered behind them; the whole crew had gathered for the 'wave, given that it was the little man's third birthday. "You still headed for Persephone?"
"Sure as snow falls on St. Albans," Kaylee replied, bouncing slightly on her toes. "Serenity'll be at the Eavesdown Docks by sundown."
"We're scheduled to dock a few hours after; I'll query the port to find you once we're down. That is, if you've got a bunk to offer an old friend?"
"Old friend nothin'," Jayne snorted, speaking up. "Kaylee's been makin' me pilot and all kinds of other qīngwā cào de managin' stuff since you been gone. I'd scrub your bunk out myself, if I weren't half sure she'd done it already."
"Kaylee?" Mal turned to her, eyebrow raised. "That true? You been bidin' a conspiracy on this ship behind my back?"
"Ask a silly question," she laughed, stretching up to kiss the end of his nose. "Wasn't sure when, but I was sure she'd be back. Right, River?"
"Distance is meaningless as a measurement with access to radion-accelerator cores," River spoke from her spot tucked between Simon and Inara, nodding assent. "Serenity's been waiting."
"I didn't mean to keep her. But these things do take time," Zoë replied.
Mal swallowed, then gave her an acknowledging nod. "A fact no one here would hold in dispute. But in all seriousness, Zoë-- is this a visit, or are you returnin'?"
"In all seriousness...." she replied, gently. "It's time."
Mal liked to claim Kaylee was infecting him with her cheeriness, turning him into less of a curmudgeon; but he always had been happiest when everyone he cared about was close: tucked safe under Serenity's wing like a basketful of purring kittens. He'd grieved Chrissie hard, but as he'd settled back in, Serenity had settled him too. No debt nor warrant to plague him, just life to be living-- and now, Zoë on her way to join 'em, too.
"Well, then. Welcome home," he said, clearing his throat gruffly. Kaylee echoed him easily, the others' voices behind her as the last piece of their home finally clicked into place.
A different shaped puzzle than it used to be, maybe. But one no less filled with warmth and life.
(x-posted to
cof_remix & AO3)
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Date: 2016-10-21 01:09 pm (UTC)*cuddles the story* I love this so much!
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Date: 2016-10-21 10:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-28 07:38 am (UTC)This story was beautifully, beautifully, beautifully done. It took the framework of
I’m not sorry I managed to guilt you into taking part in this round. It was worth it.
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Date: 2017-01-02 09:15 am (UTC)