BAH commentary...
Jun. 14th, 2008 09:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jedibuttercupNo, not a new chapter. Sorry. For those of you who are reading, though, I'd like a little advice. I don't have a regular beta to bounce questions off of, so.
Here's a perfect example of the small number of negative reviews I've been getting (well, aside from those guessing close to what's up with Lupin, and informing me the story will utterly fail if it's true):
The following review has been submitted to: Back Again, Harry? Chapter: 11
Not Having Fun ()
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I dunno, your Harry goes back in time, and all he seems to want to is wait for time to pass by again.
That's very disappointing.
He's never, not in five chapters since hearing of it, talked to McGonagall or Flitwick about his parents. He's done nothing to improve his skills at anything except faking being a first year. He regularly spaces out, shows repeatedly that he has a glass jaw as concerns shocks (anything can surprise him and knock him out for hours), and...
Could you show him grow a brain or something? All he's done to this point is wander around stupidly, thinking over and over about what he should do, then ultimately doing nothing.
Oh, and he plays games and has fun. Like THAT'S going to accomplish anything useful! Palling around with Ron should be the LAST thing on his priority list!!
Hasn't he got new spells he ought to be learning? Things that Hermione is studying out of the junkpile could contain virtually anything, you know.
Could he be trying to REMOVE THAT HORCRUX from the diadem!?! It's not like he DOESN'T KNOW DEMENTORS DEVOUR SOULS! And they pull those souls out of people, to which souls are naturally attached by a natural magic superior to all humans weild.
Hidden life forces are not new to legends. Wicked sorcerers or demons are using them all of the time, and they all work on one simple principle - you can't kill them until you find where that life force is hidden. Once found, it is easily destroyed.
After all, even Harry knows a killing curse worked on one. Fiendfire on another. If there are spells he can cast to do it, then a dementor ought to serve as well, and those won't damage the valuable, magical artifact either.
Instead, he's been stumbling around like a brainless drunk.
Why is he always so concerned with TRIVIA all of the time!!?
"Hi All! I had a vision telling me where Voldemort is keeping his soul anchors. He's currently possessing Professor Quirrel, by the way. Anyhow, just get me an auror escort, two hours, and one trip to a bank vault to retrieve stolen property, and we'll solve this mess once and for all."
You paint him in a way that has him scared of his own shoes,and making the stupidest possible mistakes constantly, and worst of all, he's obsessed about what people think about him. He'd rather worry about what someone might suspect that solve those problems related to the war. It's maddening!
We've just spent NINE CHAPTERS working up to unveiling Wormtail when Harry could have grabbed him that first night, ran to McGonagall with a GOOD lie, and told her, "Hey, I was coming back to my room and this rat was a man, before he saw me and turned back into a rat again. Is that normal?"
I love some parts of your story. They are original and fun. It's just the way he is dragging his heels over solving problems, and then compounds them by behaving stupidly (he's not even studying ahead!) It's just...
It gets real frustrating knowing what he could do, then watching him sit on his ass playing chess when he could be getting some work done. That's all. I mean, people are only going to die if he messes up or flubs anything. You'd think he's want to improve his basic skills somewhat, rather than behave like an obsessive fangirl wondering if Snape likes him or not.
What I want to know is-- are any of you seeing legitimate concerns in that unsigned mess? I have a feeling that this is someone from DLP wishing for one of those stories where Harry drops in from the future and instantly becomes wickedly clever and confident and starts dashing around lying and manipulating and fixing everything as soon as possible.
I can bounce that kind of criticism, no problem. That is exactly the kind of story I was trying to subvert by writing mine: a realistic, as far as that can be said, edition of the genre. But: are there nuggets of true problems in there? Be honest; if things really are dragging, I want to fix it.
~
Here's a perfect example of the small number of negative reviews I've been getting (well, aside from those guessing close to what's up with Lupin, and informing me the story will utterly fail if it's true):
The following review has been submitted to: Back Again, Harry? Chapter: 11
Not Having Fun ()
--------
I dunno, your Harry goes back in time, and all he seems to want to is wait for time to pass by again.
That's very disappointing.
He's never, not in five chapters since hearing of it, talked to McGonagall or Flitwick about his parents. He's done nothing to improve his skills at anything except faking being a first year. He regularly spaces out, shows repeatedly that he has a glass jaw as concerns shocks (anything can surprise him and knock him out for hours), and...
Could you show him grow a brain or something? All he's done to this point is wander around stupidly, thinking over and over about what he should do, then ultimately doing nothing.
Oh, and he plays games and has fun. Like THAT'S going to accomplish anything useful! Palling around with Ron should be the LAST thing on his priority list!!
Hasn't he got new spells he ought to be learning? Things that Hermione is studying out of the junkpile could contain virtually anything, you know.
Could he be trying to REMOVE THAT HORCRUX from the diadem!?! It's not like he DOESN'T KNOW DEMENTORS DEVOUR SOULS! And they pull those souls out of people, to which souls are naturally attached by a natural magic superior to all humans weild.
Hidden life forces are not new to legends. Wicked sorcerers or demons are using them all of the time, and they all work on one simple principle - you can't kill them until you find where that life force is hidden. Once found, it is easily destroyed.
After all, even Harry knows a killing curse worked on one. Fiendfire on another. If there are spells he can cast to do it, then a dementor ought to serve as well, and those won't damage the valuable, magical artifact either.
Instead, he's been stumbling around like a brainless drunk.
Why is he always so concerned with TRIVIA all of the time!!?
"Hi All! I had a vision telling me where Voldemort is keeping his soul anchors. He's currently possessing Professor Quirrel, by the way. Anyhow, just get me an auror escort, two hours, and one trip to a bank vault to retrieve stolen property, and we'll solve this mess once and for all."
You paint him in a way that has him scared of his own shoes,and making the stupidest possible mistakes constantly, and worst of all, he's obsessed about what people think about him. He'd rather worry about what someone might suspect that solve those problems related to the war. It's maddening!
We've just spent NINE CHAPTERS working up to unveiling Wormtail when Harry could have grabbed him that first night, ran to McGonagall with a GOOD lie, and told her, "Hey, I was coming back to my room and this rat was a man, before he saw me and turned back into a rat again. Is that normal?"
I love some parts of your story. They are original and fun. It's just the way he is dragging his heels over solving problems, and then compounds them by behaving stupidly (he's not even studying ahead!) It's just...
It gets real frustrating knowing what he could do, then watching him sit on his ass playing chess when he could be getting some work done. That's all. I mean, people are only going to die if he messes up or flubs anything. You'd think he's want to improve his basic skills somewhat, rather than behave like an obsessive fangirl wondering if Snape likes him or not.
What I want to know is-- are any of you seeing legitimate concerns in that unsigned mess? I have a feeling that this is someone from DLP wishing for one of those stories where Harry drops in from the future and instantly becomes wickedly clever and confident and starts dashing around lying and manipulating and fixing everything as soon as possible.
I can bounce that kind of criticism, no problem. That is exactly the kind of story I was trying to subvert by writing mine: a realistic, as far as that can be said, edition of the genre. But: are there nuggets of true problems in there? Be honest; if things really are dragging, I want to fix it.
~
no subject
Date: 2008-06-15 05:59 am (UTC)Luckily, Harry accepted his fate repeatedly as each piece of it was revealed to him over the years, chose to go along with the final curtain-call, and even extended understanding and forgiveness; but I still feel like he'd be going through a period of "omgwtf I'm still here" relief in the aftermath of his unlikely reawakening before he truly pulls himself back together.
I'm glad the characterization is working for the readers; I've just been amazed by the response of 98% of the reviewership since I started it. I never expected my little what-if to be this popular, due to that very lack of Harry!Warlord!Sue. =)