When Does Spring Start, Again?

[jedibuttercup]

I've managed to find a pretty good balance the last decade or so, since I finally found a job that I enjoyed, rather than just having to endure. But then winters like this one happen, when other RL issues stack up to the point where I'm reminded that the combination of (a) attention deficit disorder, (b) dysthymia - or I guess they're calling it 'persistent depressive disorder' these days, and (c) seasonal affective disorder is really easy to derail into a Pit of Despair.

Thank God it's finally light outside again when I leave work. And that my mom's sister and her family have finally, finally moved out of my mother's house and back into their own, so I'm not constantly having to spend what few spoons I manage to scrounge up salvaging her emotional health. Maybe by my birthday I'll even have enough energy back to write more than a few words a week again. I can hope, anyway. *crossing fingers*

Anyway! I did receive two lovely gift fics out of Chocolate Box, even if I've had no luck finishing anything else lately:

Not Ready by Chosenfire - B:tVS post-series, 2701 words, Buffy/Spike
"I'm not ready for you to not be here." - Buffy can’t leave Sunnydale behind without knowing what happened to Spike. A post series divergent.

Nothing Ventured by alamorn - Firefly post-series, 1090 words, Inara/River.
Inara doesn't service crew. Except when she does.

Comments

[pronker]

After reading this, I hope profoundly that things improve with the lengthening days. Thanks for the links, and let's hope writing is on your horizon in less time than it takes to think about it. :)

Linguistically speaking, 'spoons' crops up in your writings and in another's on DW. Would you know how that expression began?

[jedibuttercup]

I have written *one* story for Chocolate Box myself, which I'll post ... as soon as I catch up on my comments on AO3 ... *cough*

Anyway, regarding the spoons, it's Spoon Theory, which you can read about here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoon_theory

[I originally picked it up to share with my mom as a way to explain to other people about her chronic pain issues and how they affected her limitations; but it applies really easily to emotional issues as well as physical ones.]

[pronker]

Fascinating! It explains so much, why low energy days seem to produce absolutely nothing useful, or why we feel we need to produce at all, as opposed to simply existing happily. *ponders*

Happy A03ing. I find myself more often on theforceDOTnet these days; it's moderated, which is a turnoff for some. The writing efforts in a moderated site nearly always generate at least one r/r, which is an appreciated 'stroke' for the writer flinging words into the void. Their annual Fanfic Awards goes on for about 1 1/2 months, just now at the voting stage and ending with a ceremony on March 25th. 'Tis fun. :)

[grundyscribbling]

:(
Sorry to hear you've had a rough winter. It sounds like things may be looking up - fingers crossed the longer days and quieter family situation mean more energy/a better mental state for you.

[jedibuttercup]

Thanks. :) Seems like - it always feels like 'surfacing' after a long spell of bleak days like this, now I just have to not go back under!

[sulien]

So very glad to hear that things are looking up on the home front. I hope that little bit less weight on your shoulders added to the growing length of daylight will help very considerably. *sending lots of positive vibes and virtual hugs your way as well*

[jedibuttercup]

Thanks. :) It does seem to be getting better. Oddly enough, finally spending a few bucks for a wireless mouse for my laptop has been a significant boost, too; funny how the little things can be a big deal, sometimes.

[beatrice_otter]

I'm sorry to hear things have been so rough lately, and I hope they get better quickly!

[jedibuttercup]

Thanks. :) [It doesn't help, of course, that I'm turning 40 this year; still single, no kids, etc., putting me firmly outside the usual local social groups. Going to 'celebrate' that landmark with a tattoo representing my nickname this year, I think.]

[spikedluv]

Winter can just go away right now! I'm sorry you're dealing with all the 'fun' winter brings as well as family emotions. I hope things start looking up for you now that the days are getting lighter and you've got some peace at home.

(I noticed I've been using my sunflower icon a lot this winter. I think I just need to have a sign of spring. Or, wait, I'll use my blooming irises icon for you instead. *g*)

[jedibuttercup]

Pretty irises, thank you! We get some wild ones growing in the hills around here - always a smile-worthy sight in the spring. Sunshine and less stress are definitely helping. [I do have my own apartment, but given that it's only two blocks from my mom's place, it was as much an escape hatch for her than my own private refuge while *her* place was overrun with three adults and a 150-lb dog for three months.]

[flingslass]

Take one day ata time. Enjoy your good days and put the bad ones behind you if you can.

[jedibuttercup]

Thanks. Working on it. :)

[rose_griffes]

Dysthymia. Oh. There's a name for it. Well, then...

I'm glad that the home situation is better.

[jedibuttercup]

Yeah, when the doc I went to in order to finally get 'officially' labeled ADD in order to have more official grounding for dealing with a really stressful boss three jobs ago said, oh yeah, and also you have this, and told me about it, I was like .... 'oh. Oh!' I never thought it was *that* big a deal before given that my mom has *serious* clinical depression, meaning since I didn't have it as bad as her surely it was just me being a little blue like ... a majority of the time ... *ahem*

Couldn't stand medicating for it, or the ADD; I didn't feel like me anymore when I tried it. But at least recognizing it allowed me to finally develop decent coping strategies, even if during times like the last few months they just aren't quite enough.

[rose_griffes]

I tried different medications for depression and none of them worked. I still felt depressed but with bonus weird side effects.

I've had a sort-of similar experience to yours, with opposite results: I've lived alone for years, and recently acquired a roommate (well, person who lives in the bedroom at the other end of the house), and it helps a bit. At least more help than harm, anyway. Just having someone else there some of the time has pushed me into slightly better routines for things like keeping the shared parts of the house clean, which in turn leads to a better mental state.

But there's definitely a difference between adding one responsible adult to a household versus adding people with multiple children to a household.

(I still haven't written fanfic in a few years, which is frustrating. But honestly, it's not just depression. It's also that no show has grabbed me in a fannish way enough to make me feel compelled to write of late. Star Wars movie fandom isn't one I want to delve into--it's big enough to be a nightmare, plus I really need the constant input of a show to feel secure in my characterization and to have the interest in filling in the gaps from a show. Movies just don't work that way for me and my own fannish inspiration.)