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jedibuttercupThis is the ninth of my Five Things answers, for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lt_kitty:
(Hope it satisfies your longing for crack!fic...)
Five Embarassing Things That Happened to SG-1 Offworld (That They've Never Mentioned In The Reports)
1) Wardrobe Malfunction
The less said about the mission to the Planet of the Cotton-Eating Bacteria, the better. General Hammond had raised an eyebrow when they had returned wearing dubious-looking leather clothing, but Daniel had simply informed him that it was a requirement of native custom, and that any future teams to that world had better embark similarly dressed or risk embarassment.
It had taken weeks for Colonel O'Neill to stop making bad jokes in Sam's hearing about "springing a flat", but it was hardly her fault that her bra had been the first thing to go!
2) Linguistic Puzzle
Every so often, the verbal translating function the Ancients put into the Stargates fails miserably, and Daniel, master of twenty-some-odd languages, gets to sharpen up his skills. Jack usually spends a lot of time on such missions standing around, gripping his P90, and listing for an ominous change in the tone of Daniel's voice... except for one rather memorable occasion.
The official mission reports only say that Colonel O'Neill assisted Dr. Jackson in deciphering the code the natives were using to disguise their speech. Since the villagers had been using it as a test of their visitors' intelligence and friendliness and immediately began speaking "English" afterward, there was no need to embarass the team's linguist on paper.
Unofficially, Jack has never let his friend live down that fact that he realized the natives were using an elaborate version of Pig Latin before Daniel did.
3) Allergic Reaction
And then there was the planet with the intoxicating pollen. They couldn't quite avoid mentioning the source of the problem in their reports, but they did keep their mouths shut about exactly how the plants' effects manifested. Daniel, the only one of them not seriously affected due to the medication Janet had him on to combat his allergies, had been in possession of the video recorder on that trip.
He later succesfully traded his rights to the footage for an improved coffee supply at the mountain.
4) Domesticated Canine
And then there was the planet without cows or horses, whose villagers raised dogs the size of small ponies to serve as beasts of burden.
One of them decided it liked Teal'c very much indeed.
and... 5) The Furlings
There's a reason the Tau'ri have never officially discovered the location of the Furlings: it's because SG-1 already found them, judged them to be as unlikely to provide advanced technology as the Nox, and vowed never to so much as breathe a word of the encounter to anyone else. As far as Hammond and the rest of the SGC were concerned, they'd spent a nice, boring three days chasing down hints of naquadah on a mountainous planet that had turned out to be too insignificant to be worth mining for.
Their silence wasn't because the Furlings asked them to keep it secret: in fact, the Furlings would be perfectly happy to accept visitors on a more regular basis.
Just how happy, the team tries very hard not to remember.
~
lt_kitty:(Hope it satisfies your longing for crack!fic...)
Five Embarassing Things That Happened to SG-1 Offworld (That They've Never Mentioned In The Reports)
1) Wardrobe Malfunction
The less said about the mission to the Planet of the Cotton-Eating Bacteria, the better. General Hammond had raised an eyebrow when they had returned wearing dubious-looking leather clothing, but Daniel had simply informed him that it was a requirement of native custom, and that any future teams to that world had better embark similarly dressed or risk embarassment.
It had taken weeks for Colonel O'Neill to stop making bad jokes in Sam's hearing about "springing a flat", but it was hardly her fault that her bra had been the first thing to go!
2) Linguistic Puzzle
Every so often, the verbal translating function the Ancients put into the Stargates fails miserably, and Daniel, master of twenty-some-odd languages, gets to sharpen up his skills. Jack usually spends a lot of time on such missions standing around, gripping his P90, and listing for an ominous change in the tone of Daniel's voice... except for one rather memorable occasion.
The official mission reports only say that Colonel O'Neill assisted Dr. Jackson in deciphering the code the natives were using to disguise their speech. Since the villagers had been using it as a test of their visitors' intelligence and friendliness and immediately began speaking "English" afterward, there was no need to embarass the team's linguist on paper.
Unofficially, Jack has never let his friend live down that fact that he realized the natives were using an elaborate version of Pig Latin before Daniel did.
3) Allergic Reaction
And then there was the planet with the intoxicating pollen. They couldn't quite avoid mentioning the source of the problem in their reports, but they did keep their mouths shut about exactly how the plants' effects manifested. Daniel, the only one of them not seriously affected due to the medication Janet had him on to combat his allergies, had been in possession of the video recorder on that trip.
He later succesfully traded his rights to the footage for an improved coffee supply at the mountain.
4) Domesticated Canine
And then there was the planet without cows or horses, whose villagers raised dogs the size of small ponies to serve as beasts of burden.
One of them decided it liked Teal'c very much indeed.
and... 5) The Furlings
There's a reason the Tau'ri have never officially discovered the location of the Furlings: it's because SG-1 already found them, judged them to be as unlikely to provide advanced technology as the Nox, and vowed never to so much as breathe a word of the encounter to anyone else. As far as Hammond and the rest of the SGC were concerned, they'd spent a nice, boring three days chasing down hints of naquadah on a mountainous planet that had turned out to be too insignificant to be worth mining for.
Their silence wasn't because the Furlings asked them to keep it secret: in fact, the Furlings would be perfectly happy to accept visitors on a more regular basis.
Just how happy, the team tries very hard not to remember.
~
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 09:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:14 am (UTC)I debated throwing that in there, because the coffee thing is such a cliche with Daniel in fic, but hey! Crack fic anyway, right? =)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:18 am (UTC)Yeah. And it wouldn't happen instantly, at first, so they'd be half-way to their destination before they realized that everything they were wearing was starting to unravel... =)
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Date: 2006-09-25 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 09:40 pm (UTC)I'm more than a little disturbed by #5, but that may just be my brain.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:17 am (UTC)*adding to Plot Bunny folder*
> I'm more than a little disturbed by #5, but that may just be my brain.
It's kind of meant to be disturbing, I think. Be grateful I didn't make it a full-blown example of the "Aliens Made Them Do It" cliche. =)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-22 09:58 pm (UTC)Thank you. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:19 am (UTC)You're welcome. I had a lot of fun writing this one. =)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 03:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:20 am (UTC)Thanks, glad you enjoyed them. =)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 10:42 am (UTC)Lots of fun to read, and gave me a giggle or two!
By the way, is the 'verbal translating function', in the stargate, canon? It would make a lot of sense if it was, but I don't remember an episode where it was mentioned - mind you, after nine and a half series, the memory gets a little fuzzy :-)
no subject
Date: 2006-09-23 09:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:23 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed!
By the way, is the 'verbal translating function', in the stargate, canon? It would make a lot of sense if it was, but I don't remember an episode where it was mentioned - mind you, after nine and a half series, the memory gets a little fuzzy :-)
It's a common fan-explanation, but the show-writers never actually tried explaining it on screen. Like the translators on Atlantis: I read somewhere they were thinking of showing an ancient device found by the teams and incorporated into their radios to serve the same function, but ended up deciding it would just be a passport scene (i.e., an uninteresting waste of screen time).
... Love your icon, BTW.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 01:37 pm (UTC)The Icon was made by Kerravonsen. It's lovely, isn't it? Here is another one she made
*points to icon*
no subject
Date: 2006-09-24 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-25 06:24 am (UTC)Thanks, glad you liked. =)
no subject
Date: 2006-11-25 08:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-03 07:59 pm (UTC)