Fic: An Uncluttered Sky (Firefly, Book's Legacy, 4/?)

[jedibuttercup]

PG-15; Firefly crossover. Mal recieves a mysterious package, leading the crew of Serenity on a voyage of discovery. Into every generation...

(Book's Legacy 4: An Uncluttered Sky)

As of October 17, 2006, this story has been rewritten, added to, and moved to a separate community. Link above goes to new location. Story index is here.

(Originally x-posted to joss100 and afterserenity)

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

I'm amazed. There are subtle touches here that capture Mal's voice I just didn't notice before. His intelligence, for one--you use ain't in conjunction or near juxtaposition with words like 'aerate' all while describing the most bland of injures--a stab wound. It's amazing!

Also, now that all the crew are finally awake, you've really come out swinging with their characterizations. Particularly Simon, where Mal is teasing him (whereby I nearly laughed so hard I spilled my own drink down my front). It's hard to write Simon because most boil him down to prissy or embarrassed most of the time, but he has his sticking points, too, things he won't back down from, and I love love love that he looks Mal in the eye and doesn't try to pretend or lie when Mal confronts him.

Jayne is brief but fantastic, I'd like to see more of him. River was too vague in her appearance for me to know just yet how I like your rendition of her, but Kaylee was pretty spot-on, spunky and cute but human just the same.

I only take issue with Zoe at the end a bit. I don't disagree that she wouldn't be practical about the sleeping situations, but it also seems to me like she might be giving up too much of Wash and her too soon--there's smells in that room she'll lose if other people move into it, and smell being so powerful a sense, I dunno that Zoe would want to lose it any faster. And Simon and Kaylee have nothing to say about the assumptions they'll need a bed together for a long time? They're cool with just jumping into 'you and me forever and ever' already when they were sneaking into the kitchen a few minutes before? And moving into Wash's space isn't...creepy in a little? Just a few questions to think about, would love to hear your answer.

And cannot WAIT for Mal's confrontation with Inara.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Sorry, forgot to log in :)

I liked it so much I forgot!

BL #5

[jedibuttercup]

I'm a bit behind on my comments; hope LJ's actually sending them!

> I'm amazed. There are subtle touches here that capture Mal's voice I just didn't notice before. His intelligence, for one--you use ain't in conjunction or near juxtaposition with words like 'aerate' all while describing the most bland of injures--a stab wound. It's amazing!

I think a lot of writers dumb Mal down a bit due to his countrified speech-- but he really is a bright guy.

> It's hard to write Simon because most boil him down to prissy or embarrassed most of the time, but he has his sticking points, too, things he won't back down from, and I love love love that he looks Mal in the eye and doesn't try to pretend or lie when Mal confronts him.

Agreed. He's a little past the 'I would never, not with Kaylee' stage by this point. *grin*

> I only take issue with Zoe at the end a bit. I don't disagree that she wouldn't be practical about the sleeping situations, but it also seems to me like she might be giving up too much of Wash and her too soon--there's smells in that room she'll lose if other people move into it, and smell being so powerful a sense, I dunno that Zoe would want to lose it any faster. And Simon and Kaylee have nothing to say about the assumptions they'll need a bed together for a long time? They're cool with just jumping into 'you and me forever and ever' already when they were sneaking into the kitchen a few minutes before? And moving into Wash's space isn't...creepy in a little? Just a few questions to think about, would love to hear your answer.

It's not that Simon and Kaylee have nothing to say about moving in together-- just that they didn't want to address it there in front of everyone else. Something to talk about together-- and which Mal corners the boy about in Ch. 7!

As for Zoe... well, everyone grieves in different ways. My take on it is, after a few weeks the sense of his presence in the room has faded enough that she's feeling his absence more than anything, so she's packing things away 'til it won't hurt so much to look at them anymore. She's not saying she's ready to jump into anyone else's bed, just that she's the practical sort and holding on to that room when it (1) could be used by others and (2) makes it harder on her to do her job doesn't make sense anymore.

Hope that makes sense to you.