I agree: Mal's narrative voice is spot on and you've captured the others' voices well in the dialogue. The breakfast scene made me laugh aloud because it was played just right.

I'm glad you're expanding the chapters in this now so that the pacing and structure are less cramped. You've built up the tension before the first Mal/Inara scene wonderfully, so that now I'm impatient to see what happens. I'll be reccing this to anyone who is happy to read WIPs.