jedibuttercup: (zero)
jedibuttercup ([personal profile] jedibuttercup) wrote 2009-02-22 08:55 am (UTC)

I saw some more chapters go up, but FF.Net has decided not to let reviews go through right now, apparently. So:

Some grammatical and factual errors (for example, Az's age and the length of her possession seem wrong, you mention two moons and one sun rather than two suns and one moon, and the timeline for after Zero is made general doesn't correspond with the week shown in the miniseries). Could use a little beta work to clean it up.

Aside from that, though, the bones of the story are good. An interesting and plausible exploration of the Azkadellia/Zero relationship. You capture their emotional turmoil, and some of the conundrums of that potential pairing, fairly well. I'll look forward to seeing how it ends.

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